News Wipe
News Wipe breaking news from around the world, 60 seconds a minute, 60 minutes an hour. Staffed by a team of 35,000 reporters, so you don't miss a thing.
Last updated 31 seconds ago!
21st March 2009 IMPORTANT MESSAGE: Late Friday night/early Saturday morning attackers broke into the News Wipe network and
started destroying all of our news items and website code. Our team of 150 24/7 dedicated IT staff noticed this happening but each and every one of them was
completely fucked out of their heads on multiple grams of Mephedrone and Methylone which was ordered the day before via the internet.
Being in a rather euphoric state, instead of stopping the attackers from penetrating News Wipe against its will, they started chatting to them and decided to help out in their quest.
We are now waiting for 200 new dedicated IT staff to arrive and get things back to how they were.
Our 35,000 reporters are now waiting for the NEWS WIPE Case Under Management INJECTOR©™ system to come back online so they can start bringing you what you love once more. Their heads are quite
literally bursting with exclusive stories, leading to seven deaths. Our thoughts are with the families of all those involved.
The exact estimated total cost of this damage currently stands at £75,000,000 (75 Million GBP), so we may be asking for donations in the near future.
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NONE YET, WE ARE WORKING AROUND THE CLOCK TO GET THINGS BACK TO NORMAL. IT IS A BIG CLOCK, LET ME ASSURE YOU.
Although, we do have some evidence to suggest this attack has been jointly co-ordinated by Al Quada, USA, China, Iran, and the Taliban. This obviously has
serious consequences and marks a new dawn in the age of cyber warfare across the internets and beyond. This is a world exclusive. Watch this space as we
bring you details as and when they emerge.
Some will say, this is the price News Wipe must pay for dwarfing all other global news providers in both our size and reach. It makes us
a target.
Email: support@newswipe.co.uk